Iamboatman Book Review: "Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline"

UPDATE:  I guess the author liked my review (below).  You can also read it on his website:  http://lovebruns.com/Templates/Review_GoldringTravel.html.

I just finished reading a very light, but interesting, book entitled: Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below The Waterline. One Crazy Year Working on Cruise Ships. It is probably worth a few hours to read it as it does put into perspective some of the ups, downs, trials and tribulations of training for, and working in, cruise ship restaurants.


While the author of this non-fiction book, David Brian Bruns, seems to place himself as the virtuous, never straying, deeply devoted boyfriend chasing his Holy Grail girlfriend, Bianca...and, of course, while being the best waiter ever to have served on the seven seas, for pure voyeuristic enjoyment and as a vehicle to tie all the craziness together, without it having a total feel of a trashy novel, it works.


Without ruining the book, Mr. Bruns discusses (exposes?) the relatively - OK, absolutely - wild, sleep deprived, cramped, smoky and sexually active lives below deck. Not unlike the yachting industry (only more-so due to the horrific number of hours/weeks/months worked without a real break), much of the focus is on sex being used as a tension release rather than for intimacy. I say this upfront because you need to read through the regular references to it in order to find the real nuggets of information and perspective.


One of the starkest realities is that most of the ship's waitstaff (and, to be sure, others) simply do not understand the general American philosophy or approach to many different things. This goes far beyond the concept of as an American we tend to think of owning a car and having a private home (rented or owned) as birthrights while some crew will work years on a ship just to be able to buy a used car.


Some things really make you think. A negative example: Why do we require the buffet to look as if no one has been there before us even minutes before it closes? (The amount of needless waste created as a result is shocking.) A positive example: Why do many of us actually care about those serving us; asking about our waiter's family and life at home? (Many cultures are such that waitstaff should not even be acknowledged.)


So enjoy reading about how the staff is trained and what they are actually trained for (it is not just about serving food), realize the hours it takes to put together all the things and time needed for a breakfast or dinner service (and the differences between them!), appreciate the working of 15+ hours a day without a break for months, ponder how and why the supervisors are so tough in a "survival of the fittest" world, and enjoy the descriptions of the Eastern European beauties and Turkish and Caribbean musclemen...or just the need for a tattoo.


But remember this is book about one American's experience on Carnival in the days when they were The Fun Ships, where cheap cruises and huge amounts of alcohol were the rule...apparently both above and below the decks. I am sure much of it remains valid today, for as I have said, I have seen similar (but not quite as wild) behavior on superyachts, but I would suggest that when you board a Seabourn ship you will see far fewer bloodshot eyes and encounter far fewer with slurred speech from the crew party the night before.

And, ironically, understand just how profitable it is to be an art auctioneer aboard a cruise ship. (See my last post!)

Park West Art "Auctions" New Guarantee? Regent Come On Now!

The Wall Street Journal's Market Watch reported today that Park West Art Galleries announced it is markedly changing the way it does business...sort of.  It has put in place its "40-40-40 Guarantee".

Supposedly purchasers can obtain a refund within 40 days after receipt of the art work. The refund will cover the full purchase price, less the buyer's premium up to a maximum of $1,000 per piece, and less any shipping costs if applicable.

For up to 40 months after being invoiced, purchasers are also supposed to be able to exchange any work purchased for any other work in the Park West Gallery collection of the same or greater price. Purchasers that exchange items are to be credited with the amount paid for the work purchased, including buyer's premium and excluding shipping and handling, with the only charges being shipping and handling and any price difference when the exchange is for a work of greater price. (Exchanges must be made directly with Park West Gallery by phoning 1-877-440-0630 and are not allowed at auction.)

It has been reported that the information will be prominently posted at its art auctions (yet more stuff hanging around Regent ships we don't want to look at!) and its website.  Now, I was just looking at the Park West website and not only is the 40-40-40 Guarantee not prominent; the information is not anywhere to be found on the site...FAQs, press releases, etc.   UPDATE:  The information is now posted on Park West's blog at http://www.parkwestportal.com/2008/09/park-west-gallery-introduces-enhanced.html .
 
I don't care if Park West has been around for 40 years, or it gives me 40 days to change my mind, or it gives me 40 months to trade up to another overpriced piece of art. 
 
WAIT A MINUTE!  What I a great marketing ploy.  I can hear it now:  "Your protection is absolute.  Take your piece home.  Enjoy it.  If after 40 days you are not sure, you have another 38 months to put your purchase toward the piece you wanted to buy originally...but, of course, it will be much higher (as this art does have a history of greatly appreciating, though - of course - nothing is certain).  So why compromise now?  You have our 40-40-40 Guarantee.  Purchase the piece you really want.  Enjoy it for 40 days without risk and never worry about having buyer's remorse."  And Park West now just pushed another sucker..I mean satisfied customer...to buy something even more overvalued.
 
What the heck is it still doing on Regent?